CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
2000- Everybody Loves The Sunshine
Cabrón and I spent April and May in what I personally would consider to be a liminal space between work relationship and situationship.
There was still nothing at all physical between us, but the time spent driving around on Cabrón’s non-stop runs, grabbing Trini food for Hopeton over at PanStar and conducting EBT-related business over my breakfast bar was starting to feel painfully intimate. I spent a lot of time wondering if he was able to read between the silences. And then I spent an equal amount of time acknowledging the fact that he knew what was going on but was not interested. Basically, I spent a lot of time obsessing over dumb shit.
To be clear- I would fuck the shit out of Cabrón, as a one-off. And would be more than happy for it to turn into something long-standing. But I would never come out and let ‘Brón know that either option was on the table, though I’m sure he was highly aware of all of this- and more.
I did wonder if he’d noticed that I’d radically scaled down my drug use and if he’d figured out that he had anything to do with it.
I also wondered what Cabrón’s deal really was. It bothered me that I didn’t know his real name- I needed to find a way to sneak into his wallet to snoop his driver’s license. I also wondered what type of person he really was, in regular everyday life- if he even had a regular, everyday life at this point. What were he and Mundo like, back when they were parochial school thugs? But more than any of this background fuzz, I wondered if Cabrón had ever had a serious girlfriend. Someone who knew him better than anyone. Someone he let his guard down around, on a consistent basis.
Biz, I knew, had a baby mother who he more or less lived with. And I’d seen firsthand all the girls Lucci pulled. I’d been with Mundo, so there was no reason to ponder his style. But Brón was a cipher to me. And it was starting to drive me mad.
I needed to play back and have Cabrón come to me, but wasn’t quite sure how to pull that off. Until I got that figured out, I’d just make sure to remain as dope free as possible and dial up the vamptitude whenever in ‘Brón’s orbit.
