CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
2000- Cleaning Up
Then it was Spring and things were chugging along.
As my 23rd birthday drew closer, and my dual role as unclockable white girl courier and freelance dominatrix progressed, I decided to take stock and assess my life path and my drug use. ‘Brón was still supplying me with quarters of PanStar dope, so I didn’t have to worry about hitting the streets to feed my habit.
When it came to working with Cabrón and Hopeton, I knew I wanted to get in as deep as possible. Panamanian Star Shipping & Logistics Limited was a puzzle I needed to solve, and Tío Bolo’s criminal empire intrigued the fuck out of me. Doe or no Doe, I needed to solidify my spot.
I also understood that this desire was in direct opposition to my current need to maintain my shitty dope fiend routine.
Bottom line, if I wanted to keep fucking with ‘Brón ‘n ‘em, I’d have to get as close to clean as a spoiled but calculating Westchester-born junkie princess could realistically manage.
Welcome to the table, Future Eula!
I decided to take some time in late March to figure my shit out. “Me time,” as it were.
EBT runs had been completed for the month and I put all of my boring private clients on hold. Biz was still around, plugging away at his EBT scheme. Lucci, I assumed, was trying to figure out how to be Final Boss over at HQ- but I didn’t really know for sure, since I stayed away from there. Cabrón would stop by once or twice a week to slip me some cash and maybe take me out on one of his errands. I honestly think that by this time he had me come around because he enjoyed my company. And that made me happy.
The quiet monotony of the stability found within a shady employment structure offered the opportunity to put myself on a maintenance schedule with the dope. I wanted to get it to where I would do it a maximum 3 times a day- a couple of lines when I woke up, then sometime around 4pm and again right before I went to sleep. In between times I gave myself permission to have a beer or two to take the edge off. My goal was to look and feel normal when I was out and about. The junkie girl who wasn’t.
I knew ‘Brón had zero tolerance for a shaky bitch and truth be told, the pleasure of his sour grapes company and my overall desire to master the logistics of the game were starting to overshadow my desire for dope.
I knew I was replacing one addiction for another, but it was what it was.
