CHAPTER EIGHTY-NINE
2004- Future Eula
Gwen and I met for one last session before my discharge date.
As soon we started, she said, “Now, Eula- we can talk about whatever you’d like but there is one subject I’d like to make sure we cover.”
I nodded, and motioned for her to continue.
“We’ve spent a lot of time discussing how you’ve always been hesitant to commit yourself to anything, but at the same time you’ve always been aimed straight towards the future, hoping there was something ‘better’ out there for you.”
I’d been waiting for Gwen to get to this point.
“You mean Future Eula?” I asked.
She smiled and said, “Yes. Future Eula. You told me you used Future Eula as a coping mechanism for exploring healthier options but also as an escape hatch in case you found yourself unwilling or unable to make the necessary adjustments.”
“That’s true,” I agreed.
“So, tell me about Future Eula,” Gwen said. “What has Future Eula wanted as she’s matured?”
I took a deep, calming breath and gathered my thoughts, just like I’d been taught in Group. “Well, when I was in high school, Future Eula wanted to find a way to move to Manhattan and live an exciting, creative life.”
“Okay, you eventually moved to the city and I’m sure your life was exciting and creative,” my therapist said. “After you achieved that goal, what did Future Eula want?”
I sighed and thought back to New Year’s Day, 2000- I was walking to HQ, working on my list of resolutions. And the last one was “consider getting off heroin.”
“And did you actually consider getting off heroin?” my therapist asked.
“Well, I did taper off significantly not too long after that,” I said.
“So, Future Eula honored her resolution,” she replied.
Damn, I guess I did.
“And what does Future Eula want now?”
